What Am Doing For My Bday??

So many have asked me what will i be doing for my birthday and i really don't celebrate it all like that anymore with the cakes, balloons, etc.
So, what will i be doing?
I will be praying and thanking God for allowing me too actually see my 27th year.
I have had many ups and downs this past year. I was robbed and jumped several times on the mean streets of Philadelphia. I had too get stitches in my eye and I now have a scar on my left cheek that will be there for the rest of my life.
I now have a permanent place where I can lay my head at night now that it is getting cold outside, where as last year, I was in jail for most of the year.
I'm doing much better now though and I'm really thankful too be where I am at right now in my life.
I have a lot of plans for myself for the future as time goes on.......

Have You Ever?

Have you ever felt
the cold and lifeless hand of an infant,
gazed into their unblinking eyes,
and observed the face of death,
when masked in bittersweet innocence?

Have you ever touched your dreams,
and felt the simplistic joy,
of feeling them become reality,
only to abandon them,
for reasons you cannot explain?

Have you ever watched your family,
who once shared the greatest of loves,
suffer an unforgettable and unforgivable tragedy,
that will slowly, painfully, and inevitably,
tear them all apart?

Do you know, firsthand,
the evil that resides deep within the heart of every man,
every woman, and every child?
Have you seen its face as it randomly seeks,
a soul to torment and destroy?

Do you know the darker side of life,
the one that awakens you,
in the still of the night,
crying to the unknowable God's,
‘Save me from myself. '?

Does your heart constantly question,
whether humanity is obtainable,
in a world corrupted with suffering,
and where war,
is the favored solution for peace?

If you really want to know me,
and understand the forces that compel me to move on,
then take these questions,
and take this pain,
for this who I am.

My Perfect World

bright shining lights
smiling faces
laughter
music

peace and love
timeless space
deep midnight conversation
meaningless chat

my friends close by
to need and be needed
to help and be helped
to listen

my perfect world
exists in me
you're welcome to visit
to stay
pull up a chair
and together
we can see it through

Confessions of A Double Life

He looks over to his right while I lie next to him in bed. I pretend as if I didn’t see him glance over. Pretend as if I wasn’t secretly staring at him out of the corner of my eye. Discreetly using my peripheral vision to my advantage. The TV that I was supposedly watching; reveled the latest slow, sensual love videos that late night television has to offer. He had rested his head upon a sable brown throw pillow. A pillow which complemented the egg shelled painted walls in the bedroom. In the distance, a faint sound of an exotic fish tank delicately combined with the sweet melodic music from the TV set. The soft light that emitted from the tank, had gently kissed the caramel complexion on his face.

Curiosity, Temptation, and Indecision…

Three sister emotions within my life. He is my first man, but my second love. He is my secret, my forbidden fruit. And like Eve, I take him in. Completely dismembering myself from the outside world. Some say that curiosity can kill the cat. But in my case, it’s the temptation of satisfaction that always brings me back… Back wanting more.

Our eyes finally meet, and he briefly paralyzes my thought process. I was about to start drifting into the harsh reality of our relationship. Although I love him, society looks down upon us. So what we do must be done quietly.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

I wonder how five words can stir up so many emotions. How could a man so perfect for me, be so wrong. How could we possibly keep doing what we are doing? Secretly meeting. Do I tell him what I’m thinking about, or should I conceal my true feelings?

“I’m thinking about us… Thinking about our…”

“Beautiful connection that we share.”

And like that, I ignore my thoughts of indecisions. He became my redemption, my salvation from the everyday struggle. What an answer for such a man. Love, one of the main reasons why we’re still together. Love, simple yet complex.

Then like a phantom, he sneaks over to my side of the bed. And carefully presses his lips against mine. One moment turned into a few as we passionately kissed to the muddled sounds of music. Soft his lips were, and soothingly was his touch against my fresh. I felt a quiver, a vibration that traveled down my back and into my…Pocket?! I quickly reached and retrieved my cell phone. The whole mood had shifted. He knows what comes next. My cell phone, a gateway between my double lives. A gateway from reality and fantasy. The cause of my little burden. He knows that I will be leaving shortly.

“Who was that?” he asked.

Our eyes met again. And as I look shamefully into his beautiful hazel eyes. I could see a tear forming. How could a man so perfect for me, be so wrong. How could we possibly keep doing what we are doing? Secretly meeting. I ask myself this constantly. But until we decide that we are meant for each other. Until we decide that; we don’t care what everyone else thinks. Until I let her know…

“That’s was my girl”

AN IRRESISTABLE TEMPTATION

...did you ever know
it was
always
YOU?

after the rain it was always you
feeling ashamed it was always you

on the a train it was always you
leaving again it was always you

alone in the dark it was always you
a trick in the park it was always you

behind in the rent it was always you
beneath the contempt it was always you

time passing by it was always you
no time to cry it was always you

wish i could fly it was always you
scared i'mma die it was always you

sin with a smile it was always you
memories to file it was always you

breathing to be it was always you
free to be me it was always you

just to be close it was always you
closer than ghost it was always you

ain't shit to say it was always you
it bees that way it was always you

alive in my dreams it was always you
forever it seems it was always you

boycotting the store it was always you
protesting the war it was always you

fight for my right it was always you
the right just to fight it was always you

hungry for food it was always you
rocking moshood it was always you

out in the streets it was always you
in with no peace it was always you

culture re-claimed it was always you
denying my pain it was always you

afrikan pride it was always you
the creator my guide it was always you

immobilized fear it was always you
the future so clear it was always you

rain on my parade it was always you
sun shiny days it was always you

nowhere to hide it was always you
lonely inside it was always you

nobody cares it was always you
love in the air it was always you

the truth in the book it was always you
in love with a look it was always you

runaway child it was always you
ooh ooh child it was always you

no looking back it was always you
on the right track it was always you

weeks and no call it was always you
still standing tall it was always you

down for the cause it was always you
whoever it was

...it was
always
YOU!