He looks over to his right while I lie next to him in bed. I pretend as if I didn’t see him glance over. Pretend as if I wasn’t secretly staring at him out of the corner of my eye. Discreetly using my peripheral vision to my advantage. The TV that I was supposedly watching; reveled the latest slow, sensual love videos that late night television has to offer. He had rested his head upon a sable brown throw pillow. A pillow which complemented the egg shelled painted walls in the bedroom. In the distance, a faint sound of an exotic fish tank delicately combined with the sweet melodic music from the TV set. The soft light that emitted from the tank, had gently kissed the caramel complexion on his face.
Curiosity, Temptation, and Indecision…
Three sister emotions within my life. He is my first man, but my second love. He is my secret, my forbidden fruit. And like Eve, I take him in. Completely dismembering myself from the outside world. Some say that curiosity can kill the cat. But in my case, it’s the temptation of satisfaction that always brings me back… Back wanting more.
Our eyes finally meet, and he briefly paralyzes my thought process. I was about to start drifting into the harsh reality of our relationship. Although I love him, society looks down upon us. So what we do must be done quietly.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
I wonder how five words can stir up so many emotions. How could a man so perfect for me, be so wrong. How could we possibly keep doing what we are doing? Secretly meeting. Do I tell him what I’m thinking about, or should I conceal my true feelings?
“I’m thinking about us… Thinking about our…”
“Beautiful connection that we share.”
And like that, I ignore my thoughts of indecisions. He became my redemption, my salvation from the everyday struggle. What an answer for such a man. Love, one of the main reasons why we’re still together. Love, simple yet complex.
Then like a phantom, he sneaks over to my side of the bed. And carefully presses his lips against mine. One moment turned into a few as we passionately kissed to the muddled sounds of music. Soft his lips were, and soothingly was his touch against my fresh. I felt a quiver, a vibration that traveled down my back and into my…Pocket?! I quickly reached and retrieved my cell phone. The whole mood had shifted. He knows what comes next. My cell phone, a gateway between my double lives. A gateway from reality and fantasy. The cause of my little burden. He knows that I will be leaving shortly.
“Who was that?” he asked.
Our eyes met again. And as I look shamefully into his beautiful hazel eyes. I could see a tear forming. How could a man so perfect for me, be so wrong. How could we possibly keep doing what we are doing? Secretly meeting. I ask myself this constantly. But until we decide that we are meant for each other. Until we decide that; we don’t care what everyone else thinks. Until I let her know…
“That’s was my girl”
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