How I Became A Crack Addict

Another person may have played a part in your beginning but did not ultimately force you to try drugs. You did this yourself. You most likely new the consequences of trying a particular drug, but either felt you were above addiction or didn't care or like in most causes just didn't think. Because if you had thought about it - you would never have tried anything. You would of ran as far and as fast as your legs could carry you if you had any idea how you would end up in just a few short years.

I know... I thought I was above those people with addictions. Those people I thought just didn't have any willpower, or they just didn't care about anyone but themselves. I mean they got high every chance they got, didn't that mean they liked it.

Little did I know then, that most of those folks wanted to quit, tried to quit, but lacked either the knowledge of how, or the desire to stop the insanity. Most of those folks, I thought were having a great time getting fucked up... were dying inside. Wishing they knew how to stop this insane thinking, stinkin thinkin it's called. The stinkin thinkin that brings them back to the drug even if they have days clean or weeks clean. They run back to the drug if they have a bad day, or it rains or somebody cuts in front of them on the road. Well before they ever picked up a drug, they handled these situations differently - but now (they only know one way) and that is to pick up the drug again and numb the pain... to hide inside their sick minds and bodies til they don't feel anymore.

Well you know what, when the drug is gone. The feeling comes back - just like that. Then not only are you mad, sad, depressed, lonely, angry and tired - you are also most likely broke, homeless, hungry and definately not numb. So here goes that insane thinking all over again... lets get some money (steal, rob, kill, prostitute), ok we got the money, now find a dealer - call one, cop on the street, whatever... okay now you got the crack - find a place to smoke it. Now lite up that pipe, and inhale deep - now doesn't that feel good. For about 20 minutes it feels glorious. Then what?

What do you do now? Do you chase the dragon all nite... the insanity of creating ways to get money, finding a dealer who won't rip you off, smoking, then coming down and runing all nite in a circle. You may as well be a monkey in the circus for the circles you will be running that nite.

Eventually you will come down. Some will use benzos, some will use alcohol, some will just go mad. Some people like me can just take a hit and go to sleep. But when I wake up, man do i want a hit. So does everybody else who uses. There is one thing for sure and addict wants every day and that is another hit.

And that is how I became the CRACK ADDICT.

The Cell

Come in and take a seat, at long last we get to meet.

I know that you are here for committing a crime, so lets you and me do some time.

I've got some things I'd like to say, I will see you change from day to day.

The thoughts you will have, the things you will feel, I will be here for your every meal.

You will feel some sadness and you will feel alone at night, you will say "I wish that I were home", make the best of the time you've got, and let's hope that it's not a lot.

One day we will part, yes, you and me, that is the day they set you free.

I'm sure you want to know my name, it hasn't changed, it's still the same. We are both together in this man made hell.

Glad to meet you, I'm your prison cell.

Another Year For Thee

Another year is dawning!
Dear Master, let it be,
In working or in waiting,
Another year with Thee!

Another year of leaning
Upon Thy loving breast,
Of even deeper trusting,
Of quiet, happy rest.

Another year of mercies,
Of faithfulness and grace;
Another year of gladness,
In the shining of Thy face.

Another year of progress,
Another year of praise;
Another year of proving
Thy presence "all the days."

Another year of service,
Of witness to Thy love;
Another year of training
For holier work above.

Another year is dawning!
Dear Master, let it be,
On earth, or else in heaven,
Another year for Thee!

Recipe For A New Year

Take twelve whole months.
Clean them thoroughly of all bitterness,
hate, and jealousy.
Make them just as fresh and clean as possible.

Now cut each month into twenty-eight, thirty, or
thirty-one different parts,
but don't make up the whole batch at once.
Prepare it one day at a time out of these ingredients.

Mix well into each day one part of faith,
one part of patience, one part of courage,
and one part of work.
Add to each day one part of hope,
faithfulness, generosity, and kindness.
Blend with one part prayer, one part meditation,
and one good deed.
Season the whole with a dash of good spirits,
a sprinkle of fun, a pinch of play,
and a cupfull of good humor.

Pour all of this into a vessel of love.
Cook thouroughly over radient joy,
garnish with a smile,
and serve with quietness, unselfishness,
and cheerfulness.
You're bound to have a happy new year.

Life I am The New Year

Life I am the new year.
I am an unspoiled page in your book of time.

I am your next chance at the art of living.

I am your opportunity to practice
what you have learned about life
during the last twelve months.

All that you sought
and didn't find is hidden in me,
waiting for you to search it out
with more determination.

All the good that you tried for
and didn't achieve
is mine to grant
when you have fewer conflicting desires.

All that you dreamed but didn't dare to do,
all that you hoped but did not will,
all the faith that you claimed but did not have --
these slumber lightly,
waiting to be awakened
by the touch of a strong purpose.

I am your opportunity
to renew your allegiance to Him who said,
"behold, I make all things new."
I am the new year.

A Hood Christmas-Philly Style

twas the night before christmas and all through the hood
no one was set tripping so it was all good
the stockings were hung on the wall with some nails
dads back on heroin cause mom hit the trails
the kids were asleep all warm in their beds
with visions of murder invading their heads
the dogs kept on barking because of the noise
the kids were all hoping it was st. nick with toys
they looked out the window and what did they see
the neighborhood crackhead stealing their tv
they ran to the phone to call up the laws
while dad was chasing him down in his draws
the cops took too long and dad was to slow
the thief got away and dad got more blow
the kids have been good and nice all year long
but santa wasn't coming what did they do wrong
that christmas was something but it was not merry
cause santa was sleighjacked somewhere on east berry
as you can tell this is all messed up right
merry christmas to all and to all a hood night

I originally posted this on Facebook and received a comment back from one of my long time friends:
Arun Prabhakaran wrote:
at 9:27am
"the kids have been good and nice all year long but santa wasn't coming what did they do wrong"

satirically on point...i bet some people read your poems and don't know how deeply informed about the underside of america you are. i do. i know what kind of trouble you've seen. please never stop writing and telling your truth. you are one of many mirrors that our nation must face each morning. you are a blessing and keep pointing your finger in the direction we, as a people and a world, should go...

See, there is someone out there that does listen too me...LOL

About Me

I float IN and OUT of MANY different scenes. You can TRY to say I'm this or that, but when you haven't uttered two words to me, your attempts to categorize me merely implode into NOTHINGNESS!!! I don’t really care about being a part of some fabricated reality some of you live in. Everyone wants to be “fab” and “ovah”. I don’t want to be anything but ME! I like to take photos---SO WHAT. I’ll rock a booty short and tall boots--- SO WHAT. I’ll give you baggy jeans and a fitted---SO WHAT. NONE of the clothes I MAY decide to wear compose or establish my individuality… my personality. When you’re ready for the edginess… When you can muster up the courage to be a man… When you can find the strength to take on a challenge… When you're ready to face the world with someone holding your hand… HIT ME UP! Remember… the amount you receive SOLELY depends on your output.